Posts Tagged ‘Vulva’

Viva La Bidet !



Bidets & The British

What is wrong with the Anglo-Saxon world, why is it so impossible for them to embrace the concept of the bidet. I like to have a clean “undercarriage” if you get my meaning. I like to be clean and the simple and not terribly expensive bidet is the key to this. Having the ability to manage your personal maintenance is never more important than when we ladies are menstruating or pregnant, and for me having the convenience of being able to wash thoroughly with simple, plain warm water is my idea of a little bit of heaven. I guess it is just my bad luck that my visits to English speaking countries have been when either menstruating or pregnant. I am sure this coincidence just compounds my irritation with their irrational puritanical prejudices against fitting bidets into their hotel and house bathrooms but come on, this is basic hygiene we are talking about, not invading an oil rich under developed nation, it should be simple!

Riot in the Streets

Why are English women (or American, Canadian, Australian women for that matter) not rising up and protesting this lack of feminine hygiene facilities ? I know for a fact that they also menstruate, they also have pregnancies and engage in other activities that result in the need for a bidet so why are they not out in the streets throwing stones at lines of riot police as they fight for the right to have a clean and fresh crotch ? (wouldn’t you just love to see the wording on their placards at those demonstrations?).

Industrial Chemicals Up the Whazoo !

I guess the English speaking world tries to mitigate their lack of bidets in bathrooms by telling us that there are any number of feminine hygiene products that can be used to freshen-up, but let us be clear about something; spraying industrial chemicals and heavy metals on your delicate vulva is NOT cleansing or refreshing no matter how prettily the canisters of these nasty substances have been decorated by the marketing companies to reflect “fresh, feminine and delicate”. Putting in a tiny, teeny fraction of “Natural Aloe Vera” or other such botanicals in no way changes the fact that that what you are contemplating plastering over your delicate folds is in some small way more akin to the toxic waste lakes of New Jersey than a part of the natural botanical eco-system of the Amazonian rain forest that the product packaging likes to hint at it being ! It is worth keeping in mind that where you are being encouraged to spray these things is an extremely efficient gateway to both the blood stream and the lymphatic system of your body. Short of getting a needle and tapping a vein or artery you could not do a better job of getting it inside you.

“Cleanliness is Next To Godliness –Unless It’s Your Vulva, Then DON’T TOUCH !”

I think the real reason for the lack of bidets is the meddling of the paternalistic Abrahamic religions. Their claim that “Cleanliness is Next To Godliness “ what they really mean to say is;

“Cleanliness is Next To Godliness –Unless It’s Your Vulva, Then DON’T TOUCH because touching your genitals might lead to lustful thoughts and only your legally married husband (and owner) has the right to raise thoughts of lust, you alone doing that might lead you to thinking that you can do that yourself and not have need of a man, and we cannot have that, oh-no, no, no, no!”

When you use a bidet you are very clearly going to have to touch yourself in order to wash (gasps of horror from the Christian seats in the back) and clearly no woman can be trusted to wash herself without raising lustful thoughts so best not have those beastly bidets at all. Problem solved.

Be Kind To Your Genitals

What our vulvas and vaginas do for us through the course of our lives is amazing, truly amazing, so be kind to them and treat yourself to the best – Fresh clean water from the faucet of a designed for the purpose bidet.

Postscript: Other uses for your bidet

Just in case you still cannot see the value in having a bidet, or you feel your significant other may need a bit more of a business case in order to include one in your next bathroom remodelling then here are some suggestions:

  1. Bidets are great for washing your feet in.
  1. Useful as a pre-soaker for small items of clothing, dirty sports socks for example.
  1. A bidet is just the right height for when your toddler decides that “dolly/teddy/the cat needs a wash”.
  1. Bidets are great for bathing cats and small dogs – I kid you not !
  2. Bidets make good temporary Goldfish bowls while you clean and change their normal home.
  3. Bidet beer cooler; when I was in officer school and we had a party in our dorm the bidets were employed as beer coolers !
  1. Bidets are not just for the ladies, men can use them as well, goodness knows many men could do with being more fastidious about cleanliness down there !

Author: Nina.