Posts Tagged ‘Author Nina’

Tampons+Daughter+Supermarket = Embarrassment !

I had been reading a blog over at http://northernmum.wordpress.com/ about an embarrassing moment with her children brought to mind one of my own a while back, so here again is the story;

My oldest daughter, Hilke, is well known for being something of an embarrassment at times, as all children can be of course, but Hilke really does have this knack for dropping her mothers in it.

With my wife Judith still not able to see very much after surgery and me having a day off I had gone to collect our kids from school. Judith had asked me to collect a few items from the supermaarkt so I took the kids with me for a little bit of a treat. I should explain that we do not often go to the supermaarkt because most of our fresh produce either comes from my in-laws farm or from the local organic farm here. With Judith preparing our meals from scratch there is little need to visit the big stores so for our kids it is a bit of an adventure, especially the Albert Heijn just off the Vrijtofht which is not unlike a cave inside.

Albert Heijn supermaarktNo sooner had we got into the store and we ran into some of Hilke and Nicholaas’s school friends and their mothers. Put any women together in a store and we go into gossip mode and shopping is relegated to a poor second place while we catch up on news and the kids are left to run riot through the store. We mothers happened to be standing in the toiletries isle talking when Hilke and friends come returned from their exploring. The children start to give their critical attention to the shiny and colourful products on display and I kept a little of my attention on what they were saying between themselves while continuing my gossiping;

“My mother uses this, it’s very good” said one little girl with all the earnest intent of a telesales operator trying to sell you something.
“But your mum has some HUGE spots on her nose, it can’t be that good !” replied another who was clearly an early developer of her Bitchy Gland.

Pausing by the tampons and sanitary towels the girls started a deep debate on feminine hygiene products. Dutch schools start sex education at age seven so they knew about periods even though none were menstruating themselves yet. I think their interest had much more to do with the wide variety and very girlie styling of the packaging rather than any interest in the contents but when one girl discovered a familiar brand she grabbed it and stated very clearly;

“This is the one my mum uses, only she buys a big super box of them!”
“Does it have wings?” asked Adrie trying to show some knowledge of the subject.
“No, it’s a tampon, it has a string not wings” replied Mahaultt.
“You tie it to your underwear with the string then?” Marysa, clearly unaware that it is worn internally.

Just when I feared that this could soon turn into a bit of a car wreck unless one of us mothers intervened my daughter jumped into the fray, from past experience of her contributions my heart rate immediately doubled;
“It’s a tampon, that means you stick it up inside you” she said with all the authority of a girl who is academically at the top of her class.
“OOooooohhhh!” was one’s response, “EWWWWWWWWW!”was another’s.

I am not, I should point out, a religious person, but with the intervention of Hilke I started to pray. I prayed like the life of my first born depended upon it. Those of you who have met Hilke, or who know of her will understand why only to well. She continued;
“You put them in your vagina to stop it up”.

By now the girls were starting to draw a small audience and I knew this was not going to end well, I could just feel it and but like a rabbit stuck between headlights I froze. Hilke was now clearly the leading authority on feminine hygiene products in this group and all attention swung around to her.

“So why do tampons have strings?” asked Marysa.
“So you can pull them out of your vagina when you go to the wc, all tampons have strings”  she stated.

One girl noticing one particular box of tampons and picking it up exclaimed “Hey these ones have skirts, why do these have skirts, is that in place of a string, because you can pull skirts down” said the little asian girl whose name I can never recall.

“Do your mothers use these Hilke?”

CRASH ! The wreck I had been dreading happened.
“No mama uses sponges” she proclaimed over the shop noise and looking toward me as I tried to shuffle to the nearest cover.

“SPONGES !” came the loud and collective response, and as one they started to examine the shelves for sanitary sponges. It took them a few minutes to realise they were not on the shelves so I started to relax a little. Then one girl held up a large bath sponge in her hand and triumphantly, and very loudly, proclaimed…….

“Your mama puts THIS in her vagina ?” I swear the entire store stopped dead, I could have heard a pin drop if the frantic beating of my fibrillating heart was not drowning out all sound in my ears. Even the gossiping mothers came to a complete stop.

Gasps of “Mmmmuuuhhhh!” showed they were clearly impressed, or horrified, or perhaps both.
I think Hilke, upon seeing the expression on my face, sensed that her allowance was seconds away from being stopped until she reached her late teens and so attempted to ease the situation by telling her friends.

“No, no, no, they are tiny little sponges” Hilke added, slightly helping matters, “Like cotton wool balls. She orders them specially, you cannot buy them in here, they are special”.

By now men in the store were giving me full lengths looks as they walked past, I could guess what they were imagining. The gossiping mothers edged towards me and some sort of unspoken agreement between seemed to nominate one of them their spokeswoman.

Sea Sponge Tampons

Sea Sponge Tampons & Yikes !

“Sponges?” asked Mevrouw Klaas. At least the store seemed to be returning to normal after the revelation that one of their customers appeared to spend her menstrual cycle with a bath sponge shoved up her vagina.

I explained that in fact natural sponges were the very first form of tampon ever used and that unlike the tampons and towels stocked in stores like those on the shelves they were natural, hypo-allergenic and do not cause toxic shock to their users. Having experienced an intra-vaginal allergic reaction to tampons as a teenager I knew better than most the dangers of manufactured sanitary protection. They also caused no pollution during their manufacture, and contained no dioxins (the most deadly poison known to life on this planet and routinely used in the manufacture of tampons and sanitary towels).

In the end the girls interest moved onto something else, as did everyone else. On the way home I tried to explain to Hilke that it had been a little embarrassing for me but in true Hilke form she counted by saying that it shouldn’t be, “Periods were quite natural mama!” Yeah thanks Hilke I think I know that much better than you do given your age!. I know we have always been very open and straight with our kids but it does come back to bite us at the oddest times.

Sea Sponge Tampons – Jamsponge (English)
Sea Sponge Tampons – Gladrags (US)
zeespons tampons – drakenenergie.nl
zeespons tampons – naturalbeginnings.nl

Author: Nina.

Nina

Nina

 

Viva La Bidet !

Bidet

Bidet

Bidets & The British

What is wrong with the Anglo-Saxon world, why is it so impossible for them to embrace the concept of the bidet. I like to have a clean “undercarriage” if you get my meaning. I like to be clean and the simple and not terribly expensive bidet is the key to this. Having the ability to manage your personal maintenance is never more important than when we ladies are menstruating or pregnant, and for me having the convenience of being able to wash thoroughly with simple, plain warm water is my idea of a little bit of heaven. I guess it is just my bad luck that my visits to English speaking countries have been when either menstruating or pregnant. I am sure this coincidence just compounds my irritation with their irrational puritanical prejudices against fitting bidets into their hotel and house bathrooms but come on, this is basic hygiene we are talking about, not invading an oil rich under developed nation, it should be simple!

Riot in the Streets

Why are English women (or American, Canadian, Australian women for that matter) not rising up and protesting this lack of feminine hygiene facilities ? I know for a fact that they also menstruate, they also have pregnancies and engage in other activities that result in the need for a bidet so why are they not out in the streets throwing stones at lines of riot police as they fight for the right to have a clean and fresh crotch ? (wouldn’t you just love to see the wording on their placards at those demonstrations?).

Industrial Chemicals Up the Whazoo !

I guess the English speaking world tries to mitigate their lack of bidets in bathrooms by telling us that there are any number of feminine hygiene products that can be used to freshen-up, but let us be clear about something; spraying industrial chemicals and heavy metals on your delicate vulva is NOT cleansing or refreshing no matter how prettily the canisters of these nasty substances have been decorated by the marketing companies to reflect “fresh, feminine and delicate”. Putting in a tiny, teeny fraction of “Natural Aloe Vera” or other such botanicals in no way changes the fact that that what you are contemplating plastering over your delicate folds is in some small way more akin to the toxic waste lakes of New Jersey than a part of the natural botanical eco-system of the Amazonian rain forest that the product packaging likes to hint at it being ! It is worth keeping in mind that where you are being encouraged to spray these things is an extremely efficient gateway to both the blood stream and the lymphatic system of your body. Short of getting a needle and tapping a vein or artery you could not do a better job of getting it inside you.

“Cleanliness is Next To Godliness –Unless It’s Your Vulva, Then DON’T TOUCH !”

I think the real reason for the lack of bidets is the meddling of the paternalistic Abrahamic religions. Their claim that “Cleanliness is Next To Godliness “ what they really mean to say is;

“Cleanliness is Next To Godliness –Unless It’s Your Vulva, Then DON’T TOUCH because touching your genitals might lead to lustful thoughts and only your legally married husband (and owner) has the right to raise thoughts of lust, you alone doing that might lead you to thinking that you can do that yourself and not have need of a man, and we cannot have that, oh-no, no, no, no!”

When you use a bidet you are very clearly going to have to touch yourself in order to wash (gasps of horror from the Christian seats in the back) and clearly no woman can be trusted to wash herself without raising lustful thoughts so best not have those beastly bidets at all. Problem solved.

Be Kind To Your Genitals

What our vulvas and vaginas do for us through the course of our lives is amazing, truly amazing, so be kind to them and treat yourself to the best – Fresh clean water from the faucet of a designed for the purpose bidet.

Postscript: Other uses for your bidet

Just in case you still cannot see the value in having a bidet, or you feel your significant other may need a bit more of a business case in order to include one in your next bathroom remodelling then here are some suggestions:

  1. Bidets are great for washing your feet in.
  1. Useful as a pre-soaker for small items of clothing, dirty sports socks for example.
  1. A bidet is just the right height for when your toddler decides that “dolly/teddy/the cat needs a wash”.
  1. Bidets are great for bathing cats and small dogs – I kid you not !
  2. Bidets make good temporary Goldfish bowls while you clean and change their normal home.
  3. Bidet beer cooler; when I was in officer school and we had a party in our dorm the bidets were employed as beer coolers !
  1. Bidets are not just for the ladies, men can use them as well, goodness knows many men could do with being more fastidious about cleanliness down there !

Author: Nina.

Reflections On Love, Part I, II & III

Reflections on LoveThe day is ending, and mercifully cooling. The afternoon was so hot that everyone was short of patience and quick to temper, but with the gentle cooling of the evening has come cooler heads at last. Our dogs, which are so important to Hilke and Judith, were utterly exhausted by the heat today. The moment we got back from town we got their harnesses and coats off and they shot out into the garden to cool off under the garden sprinkler. Now here I sit out on our lawn under the shade of the maple tree watching our youngest. He is six months old, naked and discovering new and fascinating things in the grass. Sissi, Judith’s guide dog, is watching him from the shade, she is a dog with a natural mothering instinct and will keep an eye on him at all times. Somewhere in the bushes and vines to the side of me Hilke, Nicky and one of their friends are devising some new game, I can hear them arguing out the “rules” !

Reflections  On Love Part I

Across the lawn on the green wall, where she grows salad produce Judith is picking salad leaves with Mariakse, our three year old, the first born of my womb. Those leaves will go into the bowl to go with our meal this evening. She grows an amazing range of herbs and leaves there, many of which have a medicinal quality but all of which go to make some beautifully fragrant salad combinations. She is wearing one of her white linen summer dresses that mark the line of her slender frame so nicely. I am reflecting on the beauty I see. Mariaske is sitting on her shoulders to reach leaves at the top of the wall. I could hear Judith giving her instructions, always so very patient with the children, to me it is part of her beauty. The dipping evening sun was shinning through that white dress showing another aspect of her beauty. The funny thing is that I can see her naked form any time I wish but as I watched her there the covering of her long white dress seemed to be all the more erotic. I know that many couples on becoming parents feel a loss of their sexuality but watching that lovely form I wondered just how that could be because for me becoming a mother has enhanced the sensuality in my life. The more I watched the more I wanted to slip upstairs with her for a few minutes, and with those rather tantalising thoughts in my head I dozed off in the evening sun.

Reflections  on Love Part II

Reflections on LoveAfter school yesterday we had collected the children and taken to the park for some games. It had clearly been a long day in stuffy school classrooms because both Nicky and Hilke were very irritable with each other, nasty irritable. Hilke has an especially sharp tongue which she can use to slice and dice to good effect and was doing so liberally with Nicky. Judith and I watched from our park seat when just as the mutual abuse reached a pitch Hilke’s legs gave out and she pitched face first to the ground. It is a characteristic of her Spina Bifida that sometimes the signals down her spine misfire and take her legs out from under her. Judith was about to jump up and rush across but I stopped her and watched as Nicky dashed back to help his sister as Jos (Hilke’s guide dog) fussed about her. As we watched all trace of anger at her had vanished from his face as very gently he brushed some leaves and dirt off her face and checked her for injury as he had been taught. All the anger and frustration with his sister had left his body language to be replaced with………………………complete concern. The spinal misfire had also caused her to loose bladder control briefly. He could have have easily teased her about that in revenge for her savage tongue, but instead he reassured her and helped her cover her embarrassment. Later at home, all cleaned up, she came to her brother as he sat at the big table doing some drawing and wrapping her arms around him gave him a kiss. They exchanged no words or signing, but all nasty words of earlier were wiped away. It was a moment that makes all the hard work of being a parent worthwhile. As they grow up they will always have their disagreements but the understanding they have of each other’s worlds as shaped by their respective disabilities has given them a bond and a deeper love.

Reflections  On Love Part III

Reflections on LoveYesterday, despite the sun having set it was still hot and the air still. We had set up beds out under the patio vines so that we could all sleep outside with the hope that a good sleep in the night air by candle light would help re balance everyone. All the children were restless and having trouble trying to sleep in the still humid air. Our youngest, Joost (six months old), was the most discontent. Just after midnight he tucked up beside me on the double hammock that Judith and I occupied and I put my breast to his mouth in the hope that he would finally fall asleep as he suckled. Initially he was just as restless at my breast as he had been before, but slowly he started to draw on me more deeply and soon I felt his little body relax against me. I will never cease to be amazed by this incredible thing we call motherhood. As he had suckled and my milk let down I felt my love for him surging through me as my milk flowed out. It was as though all my own frustrations and annoyances of the day were being sponged, perhaps sucked is a more apt expression, away. This wonderful sensation was of course the hormone Oxytocin. It is an amazing and incredible feat of nature, with Joost latching onto my nipple the hormone was released into my blood stream further sealing the mother /infant bond and causing another hormone, prolactin, to kick in and stimulate my breasts to make milk. I knew that this amazing dance of chemicals was going on inside me to produce these feelings, but it did not matter. I was away on a cloud of love, remembering the icy winter night of his birth, remembering the way his little body had filled mine both physically and spiritually before bursting forth orgasmically into the dim light of dawn.
The more he drew on my breast the greater my recollection of my complete rapture upon seeing him in those first few moments of his life. By the time I was reaching down between my legs to pick him up and hold him to me I was wondering how much love was needed to actually stop a human heart because mine was so full at that moment I was sure it would stop at any moment. At my breast Joost was utterly content, maybe even enjoying his own recollection of loves first moments perhaps, I would like to think he was. In the end I do not know which of us fell asleep first.

My absent parents thought parenting was a matter of throwing money and goods at their child was a good way to raise them while leaving out time, attention, love and affection. When I was a teenager I had made my mind up that I was never going to inflict the experience of childhood that I had on by never having children of my own. I was very certain of that, rock solid certain. It is funny how chance encounters can so completely change you but I am so very glad a chance encounter I had changed me because I would hate to have missed out on all of this.

Author: Nina.